Where tears blossomed kaleidoscope eyes now sparkle. (The woman more luminous than the girl who merely glittered.) Sunset on seasons of orange doubt and rusty aspirations. Youth, burnished and golden, ripened to a smooth, soft substance, glow-glimmering violet and imminent. (The woman more resilient in wisdom, ability than the pallid girl could then foresee.) Where tears blossomed ember eyes mirror star dust. |
Author's Comments
a labor of love, to express the moment.
Advanced Critique Encouraged, please. enjoy!  Comments That last pair is pure genius hon
 -- Member of :- #britain #DAPensioners . In vino veritas, nunc est bibendum. - In wine is truth, now we must drink.  Nice poem, Wendi. Is it in your book or is it a new one you wrote?
-- "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." -Mohandas Gandhi  I agree with Rushy (nothing new); the opening and the closing are undoubtedly faultless, I couldn't advise you change anything anywhere else either - but the opening and closing pair of lines are particularly outstanding.
-- The Moving Finger writes, and, having writ, Moves on; nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line, Nor all your Tears blot out a Word of it.  It's very lovely, and expresses the moment very well.
I would change one word. In the first line, in fact. I don't know what I would change it to, but I don't know that tears blossom, and even if they do, I don't think blossom fits here; I don't think it gives the right feeling. It has a sort of positive connotation, to me at least, which sort of diminishes the effect of sparkle. Give me a few days and I'll think of a replacement word for you!  -- "Are we lost, Daddy?" I asked tenderly. "Shut up," he explained. --Ring Lardner  I love the finish of this. And the imagery and emotion that is portrayed throughout. You have done well once again.
-- Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.  *she-sins  anything you'd mess with?? I'm not married to it, tho I'm ok with this one.-- "I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." Billie Joe Armstrong new, just wrote it last night.
 anything I post is new unless I mention otherwise in the artist's comments area. you, my dear, need an avatar!!!  -- "I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." Billie Joe Armstrong do that for me, think of what you'd replace it with. I used blossom, because the pain that caused the tears was beneficial in developing strength. like,
 when the pain was occurring but  and  once it was overcome, you know? I was thinking "bloom" instead, but its the same connotation. I do want to know what you can come up with! -- "I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." Billie Joe Armstrong thanks so much I really worked at those, to make sure I was expressing what I wanted, EXACTLY -- "I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." Billie Joe Armstrong  wow, thanks so much! -- "I'm not gonna say anything inspirational; I'm just gonna fucking swear a lot." Billie Joe Armstrong |
|
Community News6236 The Road to 100 Million Deviations!$Heidi
 reports, 1d 9h agoDeviantART is counting down to its 100 millionth deviation! Join in on the fun and take a look back at some of the most noteworthy deviations we've seen along the way. The deviant who uploads the 100 millionth deviation could win a special prize, too. Hurry, we're going to hit the 100 million mark soon! 211 Seniority Announcement - December 2009$chix0r
 reports, 11h 34m agoThe final round of Senior announcements for 2009! 120 When did we start hating everything?`Rahll
 reports, 7h 15m agoWhen did it suddenly become cool to hate everything? It's a growing problem, especially in the entertainment world, and no one benefits from an increasingly hard to please, pessimistic audience. 69 Inspirational Photography Desember*Sortvind
 reports, 18h 57m ago A Special Collection of photographs i found this month that still haunts my mind. Show them some love  There are always some i can`t include due to space, i try to make the features under 50 deviations to give them better exposure 58 Daily Literature Deviations for December 23, 2009=DailyLitDeviations
 reports, 1d 1h agoDaily Literature Deviations is a group that is dedicated to bringing literature to the forefront of the deviantArt community. We attempt to accomplish this by daily featuring Literature artists from around the community that deserve the recognition, but are not getting it. Each day we will feature 5 deviations from the Literature categories in a News Article. In order to support the artists that we feature, we ask that you  the news article as well as check out the individual pieces. We understand that each day you may not be able to check out each and every one of the pieces, everyone has their own things going on. We just ask that you make an attempt to help support the growing Literature community. |
PollWhat is your favorite holiday tradition? |
deviantART Loves You
Deviously serving the art and skin community for 3,426 days.
Only 226 days until our tenth birthday!
|
Deviousness
^Ikue has been a devious member of our community for almost 7 years and in this time he has proven to be nothing short of dedicated and devoted. Whilst volunteering his time over the last 22 months as a Gallery Moderator within the Community Relations Team, Chris has brought the Vector gallery and many vector artists directly into the spotlight. ^Ikue's commitment to the community is evident in everything he touches and you can always find him reaching out to others with an encouraging word. Chris is a natural leader with a vibrant and empathic personality, and is a role model for deviants everywhere. It's ev... Read More
|
Report a Policy Violation
Follow us on Twitter
Become a fan on Facebook
Critiques
Thank you for your Critique
You are not logged in.